I had a very strange experience today. After church, my pastor asked if I had a few minutes to talk. My husband and I followed him into his office where we chatted pleasantly about our kids for a while. He quickly got to the point.
It seems that someone in the congregation found my website, which I write under a pseudonym, along with my Facebook page, my Twitter profile, my books, etc. This person brought it to the pastor’s attention, and long story short, he asked me to either quit my writing career or he would have to ask me to step down from teaching children’s Sunday school at our church. He had gone into great detail about how he questioned the veracity of my faith and had doubts about my walk with Christ. I was stunned.
And what was so wrong with what I write? There is profanity in it. I don’t write erotica, I don’t write about gay relationships–although there are sometimes homosexual characters in what I write–I don’t even write industry-standard romance. I simply write YA books that portray very real scenarios that teenagers struggle with, using language that my readers might use themselves.
Of course, I’m hurt and bewildered. I told him with no uncertainty that writing is what I do and it’s a career I’ve worked hard to achieve, and I agreed to stop teaching at the church if he felt like my two lives were not compatible. I’m not thrilled that he felt called to question the strength of my beliefs, because being a Christian is one of the more profound ways I identify myself inwardly (I’m more prone to demonstrate my faith through my actions than my words, though).
He actually asked the question during our talk, “How would you feel about me as a pastor if you found I was writing steamy romance novels in my free time?” I answered that as a writer, I know what it means to write fiction and I would have no problem with it. He didn’t seem to understand that.
So how do you write the things that you want to write without raising the eyebrows of those around you? I have to wonder how many teenagers have been sent to the guidance counselor for a chat after one too many dark poems. And how many young writers have been ridiculed or picked on for featuring a gay protagonist in their stories, whether or not they are writers are actually gay? What do we do as writers when our craft interferes with our real lives?
I think this is one of those times that we have to choose our battles. I teach Sunday school because my church needed volunteers…it’s almost a relief that I won’t be teaching first graders anymore! But what if this had actually been the principal of the school where I teach English, and I had been informed that I would lose my job and lose the opportunity to work with the troubled youth I teach? What then? I might have to agree to keep it under wraps if it meant losing my income and losing out on the opportunity to work with children who need me. Like I said, as artists, we have to pick our battles.
I think it’s sad that so many writers feel they have to write under a pen name because of what they choose to write. It’s a tough call, love. Glad you are still writing.
Thanks for the support. When I chose a pen name, it was simply because I’m a teacher in a correctional facility and didn’t really want my name “out there.” It’s weird that I’m safe from my inmates, but in danger from my own worship congregation.
WTH? I’d ask if he was kidding, but clearly he was not! I don’t see what the two things have to do with each other. And for whatever reason, you ARE using a pen name, so it’s not like you aren’t being discreet. Just ridiculous.
I know. I feel like a politician who’s been caught in a strip club!
Wow, that’s rough. Honestly, if I were ever in a situation where it was my writing or my real life, I’d just make up a secret pen name and keep writing. I just don’t think there’s a moral issue with being a writer (even if it WERE erotica) and being a good Christian.
Fortunately, I’ve never had that problem myself. I’m very open about the fact that I write and the content that I write. The only negative encounters I’ve ever had about writing smut have been with other writers. Writers can be some of the judgiest people you’ll ever meet. Happily, my “give a damn” is broken so I continue to do whatever pleases me at the moment, but it’s unpleasant to have those encounters regardless of whether I let them impact my future or not.
That will be my new mantra: “My give a damn is broken.” Love it!
Thinking a lot about this post today, Lorca. It hit home since friends have been in my own thought patterns…hope for better days and less righteous busybodies in your future.
Thanks for the support. A number of writers have jumped up to lend their kindness! You guys are great!
Non-writers sometimes don’t seem to understand how we can so easily separate ourselves from what we write because it is FICTION.
Such a tough call. On one hand, I see where the pastor is coming from. If the content of your writing (the profanity and subject matter) could offend someone or hinder them spiritually, I can see where he would not want you in a leadership position. The novel I’m currently writing requires profanity so I might just find myself in the same kind of situation because the psycho stalker/killer in my novel wouldn’t say, “Golly gee whiz. I plan to violate you and harm you physicially.” NAH. He would be much more graphic and that is exactly how I’m writing him.
If I were in your shoes, I would do exactly what you did–respect my pastor’s wishes and step down. I might, however, be tempted to ask him if he EVER reads books or watches any movies or t.v. shows that include profanity of any kind. If he does, he might need to think about whether this is a “pot calling the kettle black” kinda deal. He might also want to consider whether the church is prepared to refuse volunteers who work where alcohol is served, who work in the medical field for a person or organization that performs abortions or gives teens contraceptives, or who are defense attorneys (who must defend even their guilty clients). The list could go on and on.
I don’t think I would be hurt if my pastor felt I needed to step down because of my writing. He has a great of responsibility when it comes to leading a congregation. It definitely would hurt my feelings, though, if he questioned the depth of my faith. Heck, if he thinks a character in a novel who curses is the “worst thing” I’ve ever done, I’d hate for him to see just how human I really am.
You are so dead on. At the time I didn’t have any problem saying, “Then I just won’t teach anymore, writing is my career.” In retrospect, though, it was that he indicated this came from someone in the congregation who found a Facebook post in which I used the word “bitch.” It wasn’t really about my books, it was FB. And all of it is under a pseudonym, so there really was no chance my first grade students were going to accidentally find my posts!
It is what it is, though, and it’s actually prompted us to look for a new church, something we’ve been thinking of for a long time.
Thanks for your supportive words, though, since it helps me feel less like I’m just being petty or that I’m choosing my-way-over-His-way.